Ella's birth story

Ella is now two months (when I wrote this, three months ago), so this post is highly overdue. However, the last two months have been crazy and I'm just now starting to feel like I have a handle on our day to day.

Anyway, story time! (Warning: this is a birth story, so I will talk about the particulars of birth. If you don't like that, then skip this.)

My due date was May 22nd, and at my 37 week appointment,  I was already 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I had all of the symptoms of impending labor. All of them except water breaking and regular contractions, but I had all of the symptoms on the list besides that, so we were hopeful we'd be meeting our little girl soon! Despite my contractions not being regular, I still had several false alarms with my contractions being regular for a few hours then disappearing. Once I hit 36 weeks, I was uncomfortable and sick of being pregnant. I did try to enjoy it the best I could, enjoy the time to sleep even when I couldn't sleep and to enjoy the kicks and punches and primarily the hiccups from my little fetus, but I was ready.

At 38 weeks, I was over 2.5 cm dilated and still 80% effaced. My doctor told me she'd probably see me before my next appointment.

At 39 weeks, I was 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. She told me she hoped she'd see me at before my next appointment.

At 40 weeks, I was 3.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I told her I didn't want to be induced if possible, and she decided to schedule me for a non-stress test the next Tuesday and an induction on the next Thursday, which was the 29th, since she didn't want me going past 41 weeks. She told me she highly doubted I would need to be induced, so I agreed to it. Looking back, my ultrasound put my baby's due date a few days later than the one estimated by my period (which was the 22nd of May due date), so why 41 weeks was the cut off seems odd to me, but this is what happened, so let's move on.

The non-stress test went fine. Baby's heart rate was how they wanted it, I still had enough amniotic fluid, and they didn't record any contractions. The good thing was that we got to figure out the layout of the hospital I would be delivering at, including where to park, which we foolishly hadn't figured out yet. Oops. Anyway, everything was fine. 

Wednesday, the day before my scheduled induction, I cleaned up the house to perfection, did any remaining odds and ends of laundry, then went to the mall. 

Over the course of these weeks, I'd been walking as much as possible, bouncing on my birth ball, eating watermelon, swinging on the swings... anything or everything that could induce labor without resorting to castor oil or some of the less savory birth induction methods... but it was getting to be too hot to really walk outside much, so I'd been at the mall a few times in the last couple of weeks to try and walk the baby down. Anyway, so I went to the mall, walked around, got a couple little treats for me and tried to enjoy what I knew would be my last day before having the baby. I tried not to worry about the induction too much, which was hard since an induction was something that I absolutely did not want to have. 

Anyway, I went to bed early and tossed and turned for about two hours before I felt something weird, like a very subtle popping. I got up to go to the bathroom, and on my way back to bed, I felt a gush of liquid. Having just used the bathroom, there was only one thing it could be. My water was breaking! It was 10:35.

I woke up Tim, which wasn't hard to do since he'd only been in bed about fifteen minutes at that point. We grabbed the last few things we needed, stuffed a bunch of food in the guinea pig cage, and piled into the car. About ten minutes into the car ride, I felt a stronger-than-usual contraction and another one about seven minutes after that. 

We got to the hospital, signed the last bit of paperwork, and were given a room. I changed, and my nurse verified that my water had in fact broken, and checked me. I was still a little over 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced, but the baby's head was quite low. 

They called my doctor who wanted me to start on pitocin, and they attached the monitors so I could be monitored for the twenty minutes before they started me on the pitocin to get labor going. However, during this, my contractions started being painful and 3 minutes apart. The problem was that the contraction monitor wasn't picking anything up. Also, I could not stand being in the bed, so I stood awkwardly, bouncing from side to side until they brought me a birthing ball to sit on. They gave me internal monitors since the contraction monitor wasn't working on me and the one on the baby wasn't consistently picking up her heart beat. That was uncomfortable. Anyway, after a half hour or so, they checked me and I was at 4 cm and paper thin, so they decided to just let me do my thing. An hour later I was at 5 cm, and an hour later I was at 6 cm. At this point, I was tired from my full day, and Tim, who hadn't slept at all the night before, was exhausted. I could't really relax between contractions and I decided that if I hadn't progressed during that hour, I would get an epidural. It was 2:30.

After the hour, they checked me and I was still at 6 cm, so I asked for the epidural. Just before they placed it, I got sick. That was the most miserable part of the labor to that point. The epidural was placed and two contractions later, I was pretty much asleep. I slept the next hour on my right side. After that hour, I was at 7 cm and still paper thing. They moved me to my left side. During that hour, I could really sleep since I could still feel the contractions, although they were muted. After that hour, they checked me and I was completely dilated and effaced! It was 5:45. The nurse called my doctor who said to have me rest and have the baby descend until 6-6:15 at which point she'd be there and they'd have me push. 

While I was in the rest and descend stage, the baby's heart rate dropped with the contraction. The nurses put me on oxygen, upped my IV, and tried switching me to my left side. Switching sides didn't seem to help, so they moved me back to my right side. Pretty soon the baby's heart rate was fine again. 

At that point, my doctor was there and they looked at my chart. The baby's heart rate had been good the whole time, so they decided it was probably some pressure on the cord during the descent, and maybe that the cord was wrapped around her neck, but that the baby was currently fine. My doctor told us that she wasn't sure how the baby would tolerate pushing, so I needed to try and push the baby out as quickly as possible or I might need a cesarean. She did say that if the baby was low enough, they could do an assisted delivery if necessary.

So, we started pushing. It was 6:25 am, almost 8 hours since my water had broken. Three pushes per contraction. After the first contraction, my doctor told me they would definitely be able to get her out without a cesarean, so that was a relief. After the second contraction, the nurse ran to the door and called for a baby nurse. I wasn't sure what that meant, but on the third contraction, Tim turned to me and excitedly told me he could see her head! On the second push of the third contraction, the nurse said "Oh, the cord was around her neck!" That confused me until all of the sudden, there was a baby on my stomach!

Ella started crying almost immediately and I just touched her head and kept saying "Hi, hi baby!" and was trying not to cry. It was the most incredible experience.  Tim cut her cord, and then they took the baby to be weighed and measured while my doctor finished up with me. After they wiped off the baby and finished me up, I got to have her on my chest skin to skin.

As cliche as this sounds, I loved her more than I could have imagined, and I fell in love in an instant. It was the best. It is the best.

Note: I've been postponing this post since the pictures aren't on this computer, but it looks like I'll never get around to it, so I'm posting without pictures. 

Two and a half months out

Being a mom is the most ______ thing I have ever done. 

It's the hardest.

It's the most real.

It's the best.

It's the most rewarding.

It's the least rewarding.

It's the messiest.

It's the simplest.

It's the most tiring.

It's the most energizing.

It's the only job I've ever had that takes every single bit of me. It's the only one that requires me to be empathetic and nurturing at midnight and 2 in the morning, and five in the morning, and then all day. 

I can feel it changing me faster than anything has ever changed me before.

Ella is two and a half months now! She had her two month appointment yesterday. She is 24.25 inches tall (98%) and 10 lb 6.5 oz (27%). She's such a long and skinny thing, it's no surprise. 

She also had her shots, and that was the saddest thing ever, but she's being brave despite not feeling very well. 

She's starting to find her feet, and she's so close to laughing, it's insane! She still loves being swaddled and she still loves her swing. She loves being held up in the air and she loves facing out and seeing the world. She's a curious little girl. She loves playing with her rattly balls and being read to. She loves to stick out her tongue and smiles a lot. She opens her mouth really really wide when she's excited. She's starting to sleep 7 or 8 hours at night (if she feels like it). She's growing so fast and a changing almost every day. I love her. She makes this whole thing incredibly worth it!

Sleeping baby girl

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Ella in her pretty dress

Holding her ball

After bath smiles

Licking her hand (taken today)

34 Weeks!!!!

Yesterday I hit 34 weeks. That makes 6 weeks until my due date. In other words, that means three weeks until a lot of baby books/websites (and my doctor) say Baby is full term. I'm also at the point where if she comes right now, there should not be any long term problems. And for some reason, all of these mean that 34 weeks sounded a lot closer to having my baby than 33 weeks 6 days. Cue nesting panic!!!!

Anyway, I quit my job at the end of last month (two weeks ago) so I could get things ready for the baby and get me ready(ier/ish) for the baby. It's been fantastic! I've been able to get a lot of cleaning and organizing done as well as actually get sleep and exercise. It's a little weird not going to work, but I really like it. I'm able to get a lot done without driving myself into the ground. I wrote out a list of about thirty five things I'd like to get done before the baby comes and I'm already over a third of the way through it, soon to be halfway! Although, in a lot of my reorganizing (such as cleaning out drawers of stuff and making new organization systems), it almost seems like I'm making more of a mess than I'm fixing, hopefully that will remedy itself before baby makes her appearance.

Week 34: Baby is almost five pounds and 18 inches long

Maternity Clothes: All of them! Except a few shirts and one pair of yoga pants that magically fit just fine.

Exercise routine: Lots of yoga and a decent amount of stationary bike. Also, standing up and walking around feels like an athletic adventure most of the time.

Gender: Girl

Movement: Kicks, rolls, hiccups, punching, some weird rippling that I'm not sure what that's about. I think I have a weird sort of eel thing inside me some of the time. Also, if I dare prop a book or my phone on my belly, it will be pushed around by small thing inside of me.

Sleep: Is great! And hard to get. I found myself wide awake at two in the morning stressing about prescriptions for about forty-five minutes. Also, always having to pee and having my hips hurt and arms fall asleep makes things difficult. Also, I can't properly roll over any more, so I don't know what's up with that.

What I miss: Being able to breathe. And stand up. And walk without my hips hurting. Also, I miss the days when there wasn't a strange eel/alien baby sitting on my sciatic nerve. I mean, what's the deal?

Telling People: Yes, of course. Although there are people in my ward telling me they just heard I was pregnant and can't believe it because I don't look pregnant (My belly is sticking out so far I can't see my feet without trying fairly hard and I've begun to waddle. I'm not sure how I don't look pregnant. Unless the low sitting baby (see sciatic nerve complaining) is just making it look like I've let myself go to the tune of much poundage in the last five months, I don't understand). Also, at work it had some how become very wide spread that I was quitting, but hardly anyone knew I was expecting. So, that was a little odd too. Announcement: I AM PREGNANT! Also, to the people I worked around but not directly with, no, I am not 18, and yes, I am married. Stop looking at me like this was a tragic circumstance. Thanks.

Cravings: All of the mexican food all of the time. Also chocolate and strawberries.

Aversions : I'm good now.

Symptoms:  Braxton hicks all day every day (those kicked in around 18 weeks), sciatic pain, sore back, and tiredness is creeping back in. Also, I always have to pee.

Thing I’m looking most forward to: Baby! Also, I'm starting to slowly and kind of oddly get excited for labor. I might regret that, but so far, not as much. Also, I'm looking forward to getting my list done since my anxiety is currently going up since I'm not currently cleaning. I need to clean all of the things!!!!!!! AHHHHH! (Nesting instinct anyone?)

Guys, I need to go sort something. Or clean. Or cook. Or organize the pantry, craft room, and under the bathroom sink. And buy stamps. And.... do more laundry!!!!

BABIES EVERYWHERE!

So, we're having a I child. I'm with child. We are expecting a child. I'm pregnant. No matter how you say it, it doesn't become any less weird. 

Due Date? May 22nd, although my ultrasound puts me more around May 27th.
Gender?     A girl!
Was it planned? Can you "plan" getting pregnant? Ideally, yes, but really, no, not really. However, for the purposes of this question, we consciously decided not to avoid getting pregnant in hopes that we would become parents in the near future. Luckily, the cards were in our favor. Short answer: yes.

That puts me at 24 weeks today. 

Before I continue, I want you to know that I have always (or at least for the last few years) pretty much stalked the blogs of people who are pregnant. Honestly, I'm a blog stalker. If you have a blog, the chances that I've found it are high. And I love reading about other people's pregnancies (and general lives). Therefore, the fact that I'm this far along and haven't blogged obsessively makes me feel a little bit like a hypocrite. Oops...

Anyway, we found out when I was five weeks along, in the middle of September. I wasn't very "late" especially as my body does not run on the perfect clockwork of a medically regulated cycle, but I had a gut feeling. And by gut, I mean I had what seemed like textbook severe PMS, but I've never had severe PMS on a natural cycle. And it started a couple weeks earlier than I was due.

 It was a Saturday morning, but Tim had gone into work  for a few hours on a project or something. So, I was impatient, as I am apt to be, and took the test. It's supposed to take a two or three minutes for the result to come in, but in less than five seconds, the positive was already obvious. I went and hid on my bed for the two minutes, leaving the test on the counter. Finally, two minutes was up, and I saw what I already knew: it was positive. Not only was it positive, but the positive line was at least twice as dark as the line that shows up every time. 

Cue panic. And excitement. And a whole confusing mixture of feelings that I wasn't sure how to understand. Yes, we wanted the baby, and yes, we were planning on having a baby, and yes, we were logically ready. However, are you ever really ready? When you think about the enormous responsibility you have just volunteered yourself for, doesn't it make you want to run and hide under a bush and color in your coloring book? Luckily, my moments of paralyzing fear have been few and far between. Luckily, the main feeling I have as I get farther along and feel little tiny feet beat away at the inside of my belly button is a mixture of peace, hope, and excitement. 

At first, it didn't feel real. I researched in a crazy frenzy for the first couple of weeks, reading everything I could about pregnancy and what to expect. I pinned baby stuff on my secret baby board on Pinterest. I read everything I could on BabyCenter and the Bump and other various websites, but nothing I did made it sink in. A couple weeks later, nausea and exhaustion set in with a nice dose of vomiting. Still, it didn't feel real. I actually wrote out a blog post style form at seven weeks as follows: 

07 Oct 2013- 7 weeks

How Far Along: As of 7 Oct 2013

Size of Baby: About .2 inches (size of a blueberry? Blueberries come in all sorts of sizes)

Maternity Clothes: Not yet. It’s early

Exercise routine: Due to how I’ve been feeling, I’ve only been working out 3-4 times a week the last couple of weeks, but it’s been a mixture of running/walking, zumba, and yoga. I’d like to start swimming, but I’ll need to figure that out. Also, I plan on taking a prenatal yoga class once I get later into the trimester or at the beginning of the second trimester.

Gender: Unknown. Tim really wants a girl. We’ll see!

Movement: None yet.

.

Sleep: Getting about nine hours, but I’d still be exhausted with twelve hours and a nap (which is how I spend my weekends)

What I miss: Not feeling exhausted and nauseous.

Telling People? We told our immediate families the week we found out, but right now we are waiting until our first doctor appointment to start telling people. However, when some of my friends were talking about a mutual friend who had us all over when she knew she was pregnant, but didn’t tell us, one of my friends asked if I would do that to them. A week after I’d found out. I think I side-stepped that successfully, but I probably caused some suspicion to arise.

Cravings:  Dairy products! Milk, cottage cheese, cream cheese, cream, milk, whipped cream, yogurt. Also, fruit is good. Citrus, specifically.

Aversions : Nothing really food based. Anything that has a 3% chance of being spoiled, dirty dishes make me gag, garbage makes me gag, the smell of Clostridium sporogenes makes me want to quit my job or hide outside during the morning at work. Also, the smell of the upstairs at work is awful. That’s where media prep is, and most of the media smells worse than it did before, but anything thioglycollate based makes me sick. Also, the smell of the media fridges (which smell kind of like stale potatoes mixed with disinfectant). Pretty much, my aversions are work and dirty kitchens.

Symptoms:  Exhaustion. It doesn’t matter how much I get, I feel exhausted. And nauseated. I was only actually sick once, but that day was the best. I felt so good the rest of the day; I actually had energy! Most days it’s nausea mixed with headache. Some days my head hurts more than my stomach, but other days it’s my stomach. I think if I could just throw up every morning and get it over with, it would be easier. Also, cramps. Every once in a while they come in pretty sharp. They’ve even woken me up. Ouch!

That sounded a lot like complaining. Sorry…

Thing I’m looking most forward to: I hear the second trimester is better. Also, I have my first prenatal appointment in three weeks. I’m excited for the baby’s heart beat. That might make it a little more real. Right now it’s just kind of like being sick and tired without a real good reason why.

Best moment:

See? Not real. Just sick and exhausted. No best moment. It was weird. And that continued for the next seven weeks. I had prenatal appointments in the middle that involved listening to the baby's heartbeat, which were cool. It almost made it feel real.... but not quite. Finally, at around eighteen weeks, I started feeling little movements, almost like bubbles. But they were little, fleeting, and infrequent. Finally, at twenty weeks, still not feeling like it was real, we got to see this:

And boy, was she active. She had her arms up above her head, she was scratching her head with tiny little fingers, she was moving her head from side to side, she was kicking her legs. The technician looked her over carefully, at her heart, her bladder, her kidneys, her brain, her spine... and everything looked great. Which was a huge relief. I have a great imagination that involves tragedy of every variety.  And she was a girl, it turns out. At least, the tech checked twice and only came up with lady parts. (Tim was over the moon. As I mentioned in my seven weeks form, that's exactly what he wanted) However, the most incredible thing to me was that she was a baby. She was human and very much alive. That is when it became real.

That was a month ago. Over the last few weeks, I've been able to feel her movements increase. I can feel her move several times a day, which is incredible. If she's not moving, all I have to do is sing for long enough, and she wakes up and goes crazy. I think she likes music. I hope she will, at least. 

So, guys, there's a little girl growing in my belly. It's real. 

Welcome to the beginning

I decided to start a new blog. I have found that in journal writing, there is something fantastic about a new, fresh journal. My former blog, Kellie was Here worked perfectly while I was single and was still fine for the first bit of being married, but I think it's time for something new and fresh. I guess this will be our family's blog, but since I will be the only one writing in it (Tim's not interested), I will say as I please and pick the direction. I will also aim to update more than three times a year.

So, welcome to the beginning of this blog. I hope it will be a good one.