So, we're having a I child. I'm with child. We are expecting a child. I'm pregnant. No matter how you say it, it doesn't become any less weird.
Due Date? May 22nd, although my ultrasound puts me more around May 27th.
Gender? A girl!
Was it planned? Can you "plan" getting pregnant? Ideally, yes, but really, no, not really. However, for the purposes of this question, we consciously decided not to avoid getting pregnant in hopes that we would become parents in the near future. Luckily, the cards were in our favor. Short answer: yes.
That puts me at 24 weeks today.
Before I continue, I want you to know that I have always (or at least for the last few years) pretty much stalked the blogs of people who are pregnant. Honestly, I'm a blog stalker. If you have a blog, the chances that I've found it are high. And I love reading about other people's pregnancies (and general lives). Therefore, the fact that I'm this far along and haven't blogged obsessively makes me feel a little bit like a hypocrite. Oops...
Anyway, we found out when I was five weeks along, in the middle of September. I wasn't very "late" especially as my body does not run on the perfect clockwork of a medically regulated cycle, but I had a gut feeling. And by gut, I mean I had what seemed like textbook severe PMS, but I've never had severe PMS on a natural cycle. And it started a couple weeks earlier than I was due.
It was a Saturday morning, but Tim had gone into work for a few hours on a project or something. So, I was impatient, as I am apt to be, and took the test. It's supposed to take a two or three minutes for the result to come in, but in less than five seconds, the positive was already obvious. I went and hid on my bed for the two minutes, leaving the test on the counter. Finally, two minutes was up, and I saw what I already knew: it was positive. Not only was it positive, but the positive line was at least twice as dark as the line that shows up every time.
Cue panic. And excitement. And a whole confusing mixture of feelings that I wasn't sure how to understand. Yes, we wanted the baby, and yes, we were planning on having a baby, and yes, we were logically ready. However, are you ever really ready? When you think about the enormous responsibility you have just volunteered yourself for, doesn't it make you want to run and hide under a bush and color in your coloring book? Luckily, my moments of paralyzing fear have been few and far between. Luckily, the main feeling I have as I get farther along and feel little tiny feet beat away at the inside of my belly button is a mixture of peace, hope, and excitement.
At first, it didn't feel real. I researched in a crazy frenzy for the first couple of weeks, reading everything I could about pregnancy and what to expect. I pinned baby stuff on my secret baby board on Pinterest. I read everything I could on BabyCenter and the Bump and other various websites, but nothing I did made it sink in. A couple weeks later, nausea and exhaustion set in with a nice dose of vomiting. Still, it didn't feel real. I actually wrote out a blog post style form at seven weeks as follows:
07 Oct 2013- 7 weeks
How Far Along: As of 7 Oct 2013
Size of Baby: About .2 inches (size of a blueberry? Blueberries come in all sorts of sizes)
Maternity Clothes: Not yet. It’s early
Exercise routine: Due to how I’ve been feeling, I’ve only been working out 3-4 times a week the last couple of weeks, but it’s been a mixture of running/walking, zumba, and yoga. I’d like to start swimming, but I’ll need to figure that out. Also, I plan on taking a prenatal yoga class once I get later into the trimester or at the beginning of the second trimester.
Gender: Unknown. Tim really wants a girl. We’ll see!
Movement: None yet.
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Sleep: Getting about nine hours, but I’d still be exhausted with twelve hours and a nap (which is how I spend my weekends)
What I miss: Not feeling exhausted and nauseous.
Telling People? We told our immediate families the week we found out, but right now we are waiting until our first doctor appointment to start telling people. However, when some of my friends were talking about a mutual friend who had us all over when she knew she was pregnant, but didn’t tell us, one of my friends asked if I would do that to them. A week after I’d found out. I think I side-stepped that successfully, but I probably caused some suspicion to arise.
Cravings: Dairy products! Milk, cottage cheese, cream cheese, cream, milk, whipped cream, yogurt. Also, fruit is good. Citrus, specifically.
Aversions : Nothing really food based. Anything that has a 3% chance of being spoiled, dirty dishes make me gag, garbage makes me gag, the smell of Clostridium sporogenes makes me want to quit my job or hide outside during the morning at work. Also, the smell of the upstairs at work is awful. That’s where media prep is, and most of the media smells worse than it did before, but anything thioglycollate based makes me sick. Also, the smell of the media fridges (which smell kind of like stale potatoes mixed with disinfectant). Pretty much, my aversions are work and dirty kitchens.
Symptoms: Exhaustion. It doesn’t matter how much I get, I feel exhausted. And nauseated. I was only actually sick once, but that day was the best. I felt so good the rest of the day; I actually had energy! Most days it’s nausea mixed with headache. Some days my head hurts more than my stomach, but other days it’s my stomach. I think if I could just throw up every morning and get it over with, it would be easier. Also, cramps. Every once in a while they come in pretty sharp. They’ve even woken me up. Ouch!
That sounded a lot like complaining. Sorry…
Thing I’m looking most forward to: I hear the second trimester is better. Also, I have my first prenatal appointment in three weeks. I’m excited for the baby’s heart beat. That might make it a little more real. Right now it’s just kind of like being sick and tired without a real good reason why.
Best moment:
See? Not real. Just sick and exhausted. No best moment. It was weird. And that continued for the next seven weeks. I had prenatal appointments in the middle that involved listening to the baby's heartbeat, which were cool. It almost made it feel real.... but not quite. Finally, at around eighteen weeks, I started feeling little movements, almost like bubbles. But they were little, fleeting, and infrequent. Finally, at twenty weeks, still not feeling like it was real, we got to see this:
And boy, was she active. She had her arms up above her head, she was scratching her head with tiny little fingers, she was moving her head from side to side, she was kicking her legs. The technician looked her over carefully, at her heart, her bladder, her kidneys, her brain, her spine... and everything looked great. Which was a huge relief. I have a great imagination that involves tragedy of every variety. And she was a girl, it turns out. At least, the tech checked twice and only came up with lady parts. (Tim was over the moon. As I mentioned in my seven weeks form, that's exactly what he wanted) However, the most incredible thing to me was that she was a baby. She was human and very much alive. That is when it became real.
That was a month ago. Over the last few weeks, I've been able to feel her movements increase. I can feel her move several times a day, which is incredible. If she's not moving, all I have to do is sing for long enough, and she wakes up and goes crazy. I think she likes music. I hope she will, at least.
So, guys, there's a little girl growing in my belly. It's real.
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